Allison Holker is opening up about how she believes her late husband, Stephen “tWitch” Boss, still visits with her and their family after he died by suicide in December 2022.

Boss first visited her in the days immediately after he died and spoke with her, Holker said during an appearance on The Jamie Kern Lima Show podcast released on Tuesday.

“I’ve always had dreams since I was young that sometimes come to life, and I’ve had dreams that become very real,” Holker began, explaining that she had also previously seen her children, who she says revealed their names to her, in dreams before they were born. Holker and Boss shared three children: Weslie Renae, Maddox Laurel, and Zaia.

She explained that after her husband had passed, she and her kids hadn’t slept for days, and she went into Zaia’s room to rest with her when the visitation happened.

“I closed my eyes, but I wasn’t asleep yet, and everything started shaking in the room,” Holker said. “There was almost, like, the static you see on the TV behind my eyes, the black and white static, and I saw three faces. And I don’t know to this day what those other two faces were. But it was staticky in between three different faces.”

She continued, “At the very end, I held on to one of the faces, and it said, ‘I’m so sorry, and I love you so much. I’m sorry.’ And Stephen’s face faded away.”

After seeing Boss’ likeness, Holker said she and her kids finally were able to sleep and woke up feeling more at peace. “I wasn’t fully healed or anything like that, but I felt settled that he was watching over us and looking out for us,” Holker said.

Lima then asked Holker if she believes with “a billion percent certainty” it was him, and she said yes, and added, “There’s been times, though, when it’s been really beautiful, and there’s been times when it’s been a little scary, but I know we feel him and when we need him we can talk to him.” She added that the visitations to her and her kids still happen to this day.

“We know that he’s watching over our family,” she continued. “I know that Stephen always loved us and always wanted to protect us. And in whatever way in his mind, he thought he was doing that.”

She added that her job now as a parent is to make sure their kids know that “this is not the way out, there are other avenues, there is therapy, there is help, there is talking to the right individuals, there’s a support team around you that will help navigate the space with you — that the choice he made is not the choice we will make moving forward.”

Holker’s podcast appearance comes on the heels of the release of her memoir, This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light, which also released Tuesday.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.