The New York City supermodel of RuPaul’s Drag Race season 17 has walked the runway one last time — but, Lana Ja’Rae is still determined to hitch a ride on the bus (if it’s still running) toward the next chapter of her career with a renewed sense of confidence.

Though a maxi challenge victory eluded her this season, Lana went out in style — just not the style she typically flaunts, as she was eliminated while wearing Kandy Muse‘s iconic pockets look from season 13. Ahead, Lana reveals to Entertainment Weekly how she went about getting the garment, the story behind her original drag mother, and her time working as a clown in New York.

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RuPaul’s Drag Race season 17 continues Fridays on MTV. Read on for EW’s full exit interview with Lana.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: The most important question on everyone’s mind: Is the bus still running? 

LANA JA’RAE: [Laughs] Oh my God, no. The bus is never running. It never started running, and that was the biggest issue. I thought the bus was running, but I didn’t check the engine before it left the station.

Plasma said on Pit Stop that she was your first drag mother. What’s the tea?

I moved out of my house to pursue drag because my family didn’t accept it at the time. I did drag in Oklahoma, and my brother convinced me to do a pageant at the University of Oklahoma called STI. Through that I met Plasma. She was my mentor through the pageant and became my drag mother. She gave me a gown I wore in the pageant, and after that she moved to New York City. We didn’t have time for each other that much anymore, but we’re still friends and I love her. I carry some of the qualities that she gave me!

Online, you’ve dealt with a lot of reactions to your performance on the show, including feedback on the Naomi Campbell look and the “boy body” aesthetic. Why did those criticisms in particular impact you so much?

My drag is a love letter to myself. It’s an embodiment of the negative things I experienced growing up. I was never allowed to be feminine, so my drag is high-femme, and I was never masculine enough to be a man, so I focus on the feminine body. My feminine ideal is my mom, who doesn’t have all the curves. I embrace my body because it wasn’t embraced, growing up. Drag is a way to love my body. When people say things about my body, they’re not attacking my drag persona, but me as a person.

This episode, you also revealed that you used to be a clown. How did this happen?

It was my first job in New York. It came to me when I lived with my brother and his friend. They had the job and told me how much money they made. I was a birthday celebration clown. I’d travel throughout New York City, go to children’s parties, and do balloon tricks and magic shows with live bunnies. It was fun and soul-fulfilling.

You reused Kandy Muse’s pockets dress for the “ugly” runway. How did you get it? Was she offended that you wanted it for this category?

I don’t think she was offended. It hit me when I was talking to Luxx, like, “Do you think Kandy would let me wear her pockets dress, because the judges hated that look?” I texted Kandy. I don’t think I told her it was for the ugliest runway, I think I just asked to borrow her runway for Drag Race. She was like, “Yeah, of course, I think Xunami has it.” I grabbed it and brought it, and the rest is her-story… I still have it. I haven’t looked at it since Drag Race. I don’t think she wants it back, but if she does, I’ll make sure she gets it.

In Untucked, you were upset when Suzie Toot assumed you’d be in the bottom. You two made up before the lip-sync, but why did that upset you so much? Do you stand by saying that she needed to be humbled?

We’re great friends now, but in the competition, there was a way she’d say certain things that rubbed girls the wrong way. I was often discredited by the girls. It was clear I was going home…. at that point I was just fighting.

What’s next?

I want to break into the fashion world, walk in New York Fashion Week, and be somebody’s muse. I love the drag world, but I feel like it’ll be a big slap in the face to everyone that’s been saying stuff, to go and do what I want, which is to be the best supermodel in the world. I’m going to focus on that!

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.