In the first seven years of our relationship, my husband and I never codified “date night.” We went to restaurants sometimes, we cooked together other times. But date nights happened sporadically, and we didn’t call them that, if we called them anything at all. But when the pandemic upended our routines, we decided to mark each Sunday with “date night” to decrease the general Groundhog Day daze of March 2020.

We reserved Sunday nights to cook a more involved meal together. If Wednesday night is for one-pot dinner, Sunday is for a main and two sides. If weeknights are for riffing, Sunday nights are our time to go by the book, giving us a chance to test out our ample cookbook collection. We buy groceries that we need for just this meal; we splurge on animal protein, like salmon, that we might not otherwise cook. We rarely drink at home, so for date night, we’ll buy a bottle of wine.

We light candles, put on a themed playlist (a shrimp roll-and-Naragansett date night calls for “coastal New England vibes” on Spotify, for example), and take our time. Five years later, it’s going strong — a date night routine that reminds us that we don’t need to splurge to experience the things we love about going out. And in times like these, when the price of one dinner at a buzzy new restaurant can easily break a budget, it’s been a balm to do something nice at home.

Like my partner and I, many people have found themselves reconsidering what “date night” looks like in recent years, whether it’s due to changes in their family structure, finances, or regular day-to-day routines. Going out for date night costs more now, increasing the pressure to make it “worth it.” For some people, that means being stricter with where they go; for others, it means going to restaurants less. So what does “date night” look like now? Here’s what couples and individuals from across the country have to say.

Gabriella and Giovanna Favilli-Vigoreaux, 34 and 29

Owners of Bandidas Bake Shop
Together for five years, married for two
Lakeland, Florida

Eater: What does “date night” mean for you?

Gabriella: We are rarely going out because we live in a really small town; things aren’t open very late. That’s when we’ll crack open a cookbook and follow instructions. We use so much mental energy developing recipes and cooking and baking for Bandidas that it gets fun to look at other people’s recipes. It’s definitely way better here to cook our meal than go find something to eat — we’ll spend less and we’ll have leftovers. The “date” part of date night is the cooking. Once the meal is made, we’re watching something and turning our brains off.

Gabriella and Giovanna Favilli-Vigoreaux

What are you cooking?

Giovanna: We usually do a salad or side, main protein, and sometimes a dessert.

Gabriella: We always have dry goods so we’re usually just having to buy a protein and maybe whatever the fresh produce is.

Giovanna: We just got a hydroponic herb tower that is popping off, so we can make our salads and we have herbs from that.

How do you keep cooking together from feeling like work? Do you talk about work on date night?

Giovanna: What makes date night extra special is we both know the extra effort that we’re putting in — to think of what we want to eat, prep it, cook it, clean up after ourselves. Also we’re a breakfast and lunch restaurant, so we don’t ever really get to make proteins.

Gabriella: The bakery is something we dreamed about for a long time. Even though it’s hard and we cry a lot, it’s still fun, and we’re in the beginning of the journey, so there’s like, a lot of manifesting left to do. We’re always talking about the next step.

Giovanna: It’s more like the fun stuff: How can we improve our branding? Or where do we see ourselves in two years? Or should we do a night pop-up?

Frequency: Once a week, or every other week if very stressed or very busy
Typical cost: No more than $30 of additional ingredients

Jennifer and Justin K., both 38

Lawyer and marketing director
Together for 12 years, married for seven years
Denver

What does “date night” mean for you?

Jennifer: We like to go out to restaurants. Since we had kids, date night has changed: It’s less often, but we still try to prioritize going out to restaurants. We support places in the neighborhood, but we also try to mix in new restaurants: James Beard nominees or very buzzy restaurants.

What are you looking for in a restaurant?

Jennifer: It’s not worth it for us just to have the food be good; it has to be the whole experience.

Justin: We don’t always get a chance to talk without a toddler pulling on our shirt and telling us that they need more water, so if a place is too loud or the chairs are weird, it’s not gonna be a place we go back to.

How has your approach to date night changed over time?

Jennifer: We’ve gotten way more discerning about the restaurants we go to. Before kids, we heard about a new place and we would check it out. Now, we do our due diligence in terms of reading what people say before we make the commitment.

Justin: As parents, we don’t have enough bandwidth in terms of date nights to give a lot of chances, unfortunately, so we really hope that on the first go, it blows us out of the water and becomes part of the regular rotation.

Jennifer: Our time and resources just feel more precious.

Frequency: Around once a month
Typical cost: $150 to $200 before tax and tip, plus $100 for childcare

Anu Menon and Suyog Mody, 40 and 41

Co-founders of Driftaway Coffee
Together for 20 years, married for 16 years
New York

What does “date night” mean for you?

AM: Most of our evenings are at home so date night is that way to go out and disconnect. After starting to work together, it became almost a necessity because we needed time where we would be a couple and be less about work. We set a goal of weekly Wednesdays knowing that it may not happen every week, but at least it’ll happen a couple of times in a month.

How do you plan your date nights?

AM: We switch who organizes it. We get to do a lot of surprises still, where we don’t tell the other where it is and take them.

SM: It’s like a guessing game based on the transit there. Sometimes it’s dinner or an activity or a combination. We follow all the fancy spots, but sometimes we’ll just go into Flushing and do a food crawl.

AM: If it’s dinner out, we try to make it slightly longer because the goal is conversation and connecting. Our goal is from 7 to 10 or 11 p.m.

How do you approach work talk on date night?

AM: We recognize that in the first hour or so, there’s just things we need to get out.

SM: Then we try to put up a rule that’s like, The shop is closed.

AM: The middle part of date night is not work talk, but inevitably, it does come back. When it does come back it’ll be broader, more reflective. That’s the part we actually like, to a certain extent. We try to keep away from anything that’s solving a particular issue. None of that should creep into date night because the whole point of date night is to be a regular couple and not co-founders.

Frequency: Around twice a month
Typical cost: Varies, but no more than $200 after tax and tip

Lauren J. Mapp and Peter Hefti, 39 and 40

Freelance journalist and co-founder of Daylight San Diego; accountant
Together for 10 years, married for five years
San Diego

What does “date night” mean for you?

LM: Since 2022, one of our typical date nights is a date night in. We call it “Conservas Saturday.” We had gotten really into tinned fish and we were finding that post-pandemic, our schedules had gotten really crazy. We started it as a way to stay at home and hang out. We usually go for a walk, then come home and start playing records and one of us will make a conservas board. We don’t have a TV in our living room, so we’re able to focus on each other, our conversation, and whatever we’re eating.

What’s on a typical Conservas Saturday spread?

We have probably tried more than 30 different types of tinned seafood since we started doing this. We also usually have crackers, homemade sourdough, different cheeses, salami, jams — a variety of things. It’s often stuff that we tend to have around, but we don’t usually have too many cheeses around the house, so we’ll go pick up some stuff.

Sometimes Conservas Saturday ends up being breakfast. That’s becoming a bit more common because we have been trying to eat less red meat. Two or three times a month we’re having our conservas at breakfast on Saturdays while getting ready to go for a hike.

Kristyn Taulane

Lauren J. Mapp and Peter Hefti

Why has the tradition stuck?

We connected immediately about eating out and cooking, but sometimes going out to eat can be really expensive. At some of the places that we go, we might end up spending $200 or $300 on dinner, or reservations might not be available for months. We go to restaurants with conservas, which we thought was fun, but it’s significantly more financially sustainable to experiment at home.

Frequency: A few times a month
Typical cost: $80 to $100, including wine; generally no more than $12-15 per tin of fish

Jeanne G., 49

Data analyst
Seattle

What does “date night” mean for you?

JG: I’ve been doing solo date nights for almost 25 years. It’s a constant in my life, although it has looked different over the years. I used to take myself out somewhere every Friday. At the time, I was like, I should be romantic about my life. I need to be doing nice things for myself; I shouldn’t wait for other people to do it and that includes going out to fancy restaurants.

Do you always go out for solo date night?

I don’t necessarily go out every Friday now, partially because I’m more COVID cautious and I really would prefer a patio, but I still make sure to do something for myself every Friday: a delicious dinner, a fancy cocktail.

How do you decide when to go to a restaurant?

These days, it’s more about a special occasion. The special occasion could be my birthday. It could be something that I’ve set aside as a special day: an anniversary of something good or bad. It could just be that I’m going through a really rough time and I need something special.

Frequency: Once a week
Typical cost: Around $25 for at home; varies for dinner out

Jennifer W. and Miles D., 25

Student and researcher; consultant
Dating for three years
Boston

What does “date night” mean for you?

JW: We booked a couple of international trips so we’re trying to stay in a bit more. Also, because he basically works investment banking hours, we don’t really get to spend that much time together. If we’re cooking at home, he can run to the laptop if he needs to get on a call or email somebody. Right now, once a week is really the only time we have to actually see each other. We’ll choose whose apartment to go cook at.

How do you decide what to cook?

We’ll send each other a few ideas and choose. We usually start with: “What do you not want?” That’s easier than saying exactly what you want. Sometimes it’s, there’s four rogue zucchinis in the fridge and can we find a way to use that? We both try to pull from what we already have, but it’s kind of inevitable that we have to go buy one or two things.

How do you incorporate solo date nights into your life?

Alone time is so important to me and sometimes I just want to go to a restaurant with a book. Usually it’s a meal by myself that I’ve really been craving and don’t bother to set up a date. Sometimes it’ll be a new restaurant where I know that if we both went, we wouldn’t be able to both eat enough together without spending a fortune.

Frequency: Once a week for coupled date nights; every few weeks for solo date nights
Typical cost: Around $15 of additional ingredients for cooking together at home; no more than $115 for solo date night
Who pays: Usually whoever is hosting the meal

Mandy Seiner and Jackson Maxwell, 28 and 29

Tech education nonprofit worker and music journalist
Dating for five and a half years
New York

What does date night mean for you?

MS: It’s coming up with something to do or somewhere to go as an excuse to spend time together outside of our normal day-to-day life. We have time blocked out every week. Our most common date night is going to the movies together once a week — we love to sneak food into the Angelika.

Who plans date night?

JM: Mandy is very keyed into the food scene. Once, maybe twice a month I’ll get a calendar invite for a place I’ve never heard of.

MS: That’s because they’re not open yet. [Laughs]

JM: Especially for her birthday and often our anniversary, I like to find something. I have a good idea of the kind of places that Mandy would like.

The Modern

How do you celebrate special occasions?

MS: For anniversaries, birthdays, or holidays we have a “class and trash” approach. For the holidays, one of my gifts to Jackson was that we went to a distillery and got a bunch of fancy cocktails and then on the way home, went to Taco Bell. It’s usually something fancy and then Taco Bell.

JM: By far the most expensive meal either of us have ever had was for our fifth anniversary. I took Mandy to the Modern, the restaurant adjacent to MoMA, which has two Michelin stars.

MS: We get mad if it’s expensive and we like it. We were hoping to be proven wrong.

JM: After the Modern, we went to Taco Bell.

MS: It’s a way to extend the date and in general, we also don’t take ourselves too seriously. We can do this fancy thing, but we don’t consider ourselves fancy people.

JM: For me, it’s like, it doesn’t have to be that our greatest moments — our most romantic, special moments — are at these really fancy places.

Frequency: Weekly
Typical cost: $25 each for a casual dinner, $50-60 each after tax and tip for a slightly more upscale dinner, less of a limit for special occasions

Isa S., 33

Program coordinator
Washington, D.C.

Can you describe your current relationship structure?

IS: I’m currently practicing solo polyamory, which means I don’t have any primary partners, and that’s a setup that I decided would work best for me. Currently, I’m regularly dating three people with varying levels of intimacy and vulnerability, and I’m crushing on another person.

What does “date night” mean for you?

I’ve been seeing N since 2022. They have a primary partner, so I see them every two weeks or so — a dinner date to catch up. Because I typically cannot host and they typically don’t host either, we’re usually eating out somewhere that’s close to either of our places. It’s a bit more of an occasion because we see each other with less regularity. It’s nice to go somewhere nice; it’s fewer cozy domestic dates.

I’ve been seeing R and S since early 2024. R has two other partners that they live with and I’m a bit more aware of their date nights, so I usually plan around that. I see R at least once a week. We don’t typically eat out because they can host. When we were starting out, we would eat out and meet up for drinks a bit more. Since we’ve gotten into more cozy living, we usually get Thai take-out.

With S, it’s only recently that we’ve solidified our relationship routine. It’s easy for us to have daytime hangouts and similarly, we just eat at home. I’ve cooked for them and they’ve cooked as well, but more often than not, since the intention is to share space with each other and share a meal, we’re always ordering takeout.

Who pays?

With N, I used to be more insistent that it be a more equal split. But they’re the type to be like, “No, I’ll take care of it.” So that’s how it works with us. With R, they typically pay; it feels more of a special event when I’m able to treat them. It’s not something that I asked for necessarily, but they were happier to take on the paying role. With S, we split a little more evenly.

Frequency: Varies depending on the partner
Typical cost: $50 to $70 after all delivery fees

Matt Ortile, 33

Editor at Condé Nast Traveler
New York City

What does “date night” mean for you?

MO: I used to go out on dinner dates more often. Five years ago I definitely would have dinner for a first date. I think it’s gotten pretty expensive these days. I’ve had to be more strategic about who I bring to dinner, when I go to dinner, and at what point in the dating timeline we go to dinner. It’s a nice way to feel out a person: how they approach restaurants, food service, their thoughts on tipping.

If it were up to me, for the first dinner, I would say maybe the second or third date. For first dates, I tend to do pre-dinner drinks, or sometimes a drink and you’re vibing right and you move onto a different place, grabbing a slice of pizza or a place where you can just walk in.

What are you looking for in a restaurant for an early-stage date?

If I’m deciding, I try to play it more casual. I tend to reserve “special date night” for someone I genuinely really, really like. There’s also this mode of: Let’s go to dinner, I’m still not totally sure how I feel about this new person, let’s go somewhere where I’d like to try the food anyway. The middle result is that I went to this fun restaurant, I got to try some new dishes, and I got to go with someone who could be a friend or someone who could be more than a friend.

I definitely do give myself a ceiling. With friends, I can say, “I’m trying to cut back a little bit. Let’s get lamb on rice from the guy at the corner.” With someone I’m seeing, I’m trying to play it more tactfully. It’s important to have this category of restaurants that is reliable and vibey enough. Light bites are good because then it’s a little more affordable. I think there is a relationship between how much you get versus what your intentions are.

How are you approaching the cost of dining with newer dates?

I tend to go Dutch pretty evenly. I’m not like, “You had three more drinks than I did.” But I’ll see what he’s ordering and I’ll try to match that on the menu with what I’ll have. In general, I think there is the sense of: I want to make sure that what I spend is worth it — that’s also my time and my emotional energy.

Frequency: Once or twice a month
Typical cost: $75 to $80 after tax and tip

Bryn and Sarah Jackson, 35 and 36

Content creators @cultflav
Together for 17 years, married for 14 years
Los Angeles

What does “date night” mean for you?

BJ: Right now, our work schedule is extremely busy. We work really long hours and typically seven days a week. One thing that has been helpful is that we make a reservation somewhere on Sunday nights in advance, so we at least get out of the house for a little while. Since we’ve been in LA, we haven’t gotten to explore it that much so it’s great to have a standing reservation at a different restaurant we haven’t tried yet.

Is there any part of creating content together that feels like a date?

SJ: That, to us, is more work because we’re so focused on the task at hand and getting the shot. We do Cult Flav full time now. It used to be a very for-fun thing and it has become a lot more work. But one thing we did for a while was doing blind taste-tests, which was a really fun way for us to get to know each other and our tastes without seeing each other’s ideas of what the flavor was or what we liked.

How are you approaching or deciding on food at restaurants?

BJ: We have a theory that most mains are not worth eating. It’s been true a lot of times. We’ll go for a lot of small plates so we can try as much as we can — maybe one main. Our rating system in our videos came from something we would do to learn more about each other and the food: ask each other what our favorites were from first to last.

Frequency: Once a week
Typical cost: Varies

Reema and John B., 35

Food photographer and restaurant events manager
Washington, D.C.
Together for 15 years, married for eight years

What does “date night” mean for you?

RB: When we first got together, it was a lot more like, This is what we’re supposed to do: the sit-down meals, spending money. As we got to know each other better, we realized that’s maybe not what’s most aligned with what we like doing and how we like spending our time. The food industry has really colored how we look at date night. A lot more of it has been like, What we really love to do is sit on our roof and garden and listen to new music.

If we’re going out, it’s usually to our local industry bar. We know everyone, we feel comfortable, and it feels so much more aligned with our values and our beliefs versus trying to be fancy when we are just not fancy.

When you stay in, are you cooking together or ordering in?

We both do a lot of cooking. Usually one of us will prep, one of us will do most of the cooking, and then we’ll sit down and have a drink and listen to music and chat. There’s nothing wrong with going to dinner and a movie, but this is what’s working for us and what makes us feel connected and aligned.

How does cost factor into your date night decisions?

There isn’t a set budget, but we’re a lot more aware of money, especially now, especially in D.C. with the political climate. We are trying to be a lot more frugal, like growing food in our garden or stuff like that. We’re probably on the cheaper end of things. It’s also that we’ll go to restaurants where we know the people who run it and they’ll send out a free dessert.

Frequency: Twice a week
Typical cost: Varies, but generally within $30-$50

These interviews have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.