You’re constantly acting on Survivor. Acting like you are working with people you are not actually working with. Acting like you are interested in what people are saying when you really want nothing more than for them to shut the hell up so you can get some peace and quiet for a change. Some people just go out there and act a fool, and that’s fine as well. 

The point is, there is a lot of acting on Survivor. But rarely does it rise to such rarefied air as what we saw on this week’s episode of Survivor 48. Kamilla morphed into Meryl Streep right before our very eyes, putting on a performance for the ages. And what made it so spectacular was not just the run-of-the-mill lying brand of acting we see pretty much each and every week on Survivor. No, it was the combination of the lying and the intelligence to craft an on-the-spot phony baloney two-person narrative without having a chance to even concoct a plan with that other person.

Fresh off a tribe swap, and settling in at their new cozy and super cursed confines of the Vula camp, Kamilla fed the former Lagi California Girls alliance of Thomas, Joe, and Shauhin a story about how she was on the outs at the Civa tribe and not close with anyone. And Kyle — who was sitting right there, possibly daydreaming about his awesome haircut — did not miss a single beat, feeding into that narrative that the two were at least mildly at odds.

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The best part about this act is not only how it was completely concocted on the fly, but how nuanced it was. Both here at camp and later at Tribal Council, Kamilla and Kyle made sure not to overdo it and raise suspicions. They remained awkwardly cordial to each other, yet never went overboard. Which, by the way, I TOTALLY would have done. I would have hammed it up so bad — farting on Kyle’s bag, throwing his socks in the fire, asking him if he’s seen any totally “sick” trailers lately. I would have been insufferable. I mean, even more so than usual.

But Kamilla and Kyle played it so cool. It made me feel sooooooo good about making Kamilla my episode 1 pick to win it all. It also made me wish I had split my vote between Kyle and Kamilla, but that would have been cheating.

Now, you might say the acting was unnecessary because Kyle had an idol and Kamilla had an extra vote at their disposal, so they had the upper hand anyway. But to that I say, au contraire mon frère! First off, had Thomas used his Steal-a-Vote, the Lagis could have put two votes on each and then taken out Kamilla on the revote. And it was the acting that made the California Girls — last time I ever have to type those words? — feel comfortable enough to load up on one person and not use Thomas’ Steal-a-Vote. They thought Kyle and Kamilla were voting for each other, so they didn’t feel the need to steal or space votes out. (Of course, Shauhin’s piss-poor bag searching skills also play a major role here, but we’ll get to that later.)

By the way, how brilliant would it be if Kyle and Kamilla just continued to carry out this ruse all season long? Like, they keep saying how much they don’t get along and aren’t aligned, yet keep voting together every single time. It would be absolutely epic.

Okay, lots to get to with the tribe swap and game realignments all over the place, so let’s get to it.

Swap-a-Roni (the Fiji treat)

Before we get to the actual tribe swap, can we just take a second to appreciate all the work that goes into setting up phony challenges that will never be run at a switcheroo? I don’t even know what that thing was producers were trying to fool contestants into thinking they were doing at this inter-tribe meeting, but I love that it was there. 

Plus, the players had to have a pretty good idea the swap was coming anyway. If you have three immunity challenges and the same tribe loses all three, there’s a pretty good chance a swap is coming. And the viewers already knew it was happening because it was in the teaser at the end of last week’s episode! Yet the producers and art department still went to all that trouble just for like, the one player (I’m guessing David) who didn’t see it coming. Love the commitment to the bit. Although I did feel like Probst was coming for my job a bit when he stared waxing journalistic about headlines and articles. (Probably could have helped me with this week’s headline. Not my best.)

We’ll get into all the new tribes in just a minute, but it’s worth nothing that for this swap they did not have the men and women pick from different sets of buffs and instead had them all pick from the same beach. Because of that, one tribe ended up with four women and one man, while another had four men and one woman. Guess which one then went on to win the immunity challenge and which one came in last place.

New Lagi

I was almost as crushed as the two players themselves to see the end — or at least suspension — of #Joeva. I was so invested in their father-daughter island alliance. I really wanted in on that and was hoping they would let me be, like, the slightly inebriated uncle who kinda makes everyone uncomfortable repeating the same stories over and over about how I farted on Kyle’s bag.

Watching Eva clasp her own hands and tell other players she didn’t even really know that she was scared made me worry how she was going to handle all that change, but luckily for her, she swapped out one kind and gentle giant for another in David. The two bonded over… jet skis? Wait, that can’t be right. Let me go back and check my notes… hmmm… either I dipped into the Milwaukee’s Best a little early this evening or yes, they bonded over jet skis. One of the two.

But is that insta-alliance enough to protect Eva? After all, she is on a tribe of otherwise all women (Charity, Mary, Star) and told David “I don’t work well with girls.” I also don’t know how her move to sell Star out will play with the others. Often, throwing a former tribe mate that quickly under the bus can backfire in a big way. Although David was doing the same thing to Charity, so who knows?

By the way, can we talk about David’s girlfriend catching more out here in Fiji? Last week, David told his tribe mates that she would basically break up with him if he did not win the million dollars — again, harsh — and this week he said she already did break up with him over money issues. I’m now a bit hazy on the precise timeline and status of their relationship, but all I know is that if David and his current and/or ex-girlfriend are not teamed up on season 39 of The Amazing Race, then CBS is doing it wrong.

Also, how can someone not like water????

New Civa

Apparently taking a cue from Eva and David, Sai also decided to undermine her one former tribe mate still with her. This one was truly bizarre, because with two former Vula (Sai and Cedrek), two former Civa (Chrissy and Mitch) and one former Lagi (Bianca) on the new Civa, the key was clearly which twosome could get Bianca on their side. Yet, when Bianca went up to Sai and said she wanted to work with her and Cedrek, Sai basically turned her down! Or at least turned down the three of them working together.

Sai is either working on some strategic level heretofore unseen in this or any other international edition of Survivor ever produced, or just blew her opportunity to seize control of this tribe. Because if I am Bianca and I go to the Vula side about joining up and one of those members discourages me from doing so, I am immediately linking up with the Civa folks instead.

And poor Cedrek has no idea. Editors brilliantly contrasted Cedrek saying “What Sai and I have is loyalty” by cutting immediately to Sai throwing Cedrek under the bus yet again. Mitch and Chrissy seem to want to link up with the Vula folks to take Bianca out… but will Sai let them?

New Vula

We already got into all the big stuff here with the Kyle and Kamila ruse, but it’s worth spending just 11 seconds to properly recognize what an absolute dump the Vula camp is. That shelter was hilariously pathetic. And, of course, no food, no fire, no amenities, no nothing. They do have the super pretty beach though! But still… dumpsville.

Also worth recognizing is the super risky move Kamilla made by pointing out to Shauhin and Joe that Thomas was lying about his Journey visit. A play like that makes sense if you’re trying to split a group up and draw someone over, but if your entire ruse is that you want to work with them to take out your original tribe enemy, then you need to act like a helpless and willing alliance-member, not someone planting seeds of division. It also could have complicated the vote and moved it off idol-playing Kyle and onto her. It was the only part of Kamilla’s game play this episode that did not earn a Cool Runnings-esque standing slow clap. Maybe she was just too distracted by how dumpy her new digs were to think straight on that one.

Framed!

So, along with the blindfold challenge, I was also able to do a rehearsal on this week’s immunity contest while in Fiji, and that is of note because there were a few small yet important changes from the one I did to what you saw on TV.

The first alteration is that at the point where the tribes had to have a member stand up on their cube to unclip the hanging bags, that was originally a more involved process. In the rehearsal, the bags had been spun around the top beam several times so they were unreachable. So I and folks from the other teams had to stand up on top of the cube with a giant pole and then use the pole to push the bag over the beam to unspool it. (If any of you watched the CBS Sunday Morning feature on the show, you can see footage of us doing this.)

I have no idea why they got rid of that element. It wasn’t super difficult, so it’s not like it massively slowed anything down, but it also wasn’t so easy as to be superfluous. Seems like it would be a nice opportunity for a hero moment gone awry — which producers and fans alike love — so I’m surprised they jettisoned it.

The second change may seem tiny, but was actually more significant. During the rehearsal, the barrels on which you were supposed to land sandbags through the frame had no lip. So often you would land a bag… and it would then slide right off. Frustrating. We kept throwing over and over, but of the six sandbags that were supposed to be landed by the three teams, I was able to land one, and that was it. You lose track of time when you run these things, so I can’t accurately tell you how long we were tossing, but clearly it was too long for only one out six bags to score. So Probst stopped the challenge.

The challenge department stepped in and added a perimeter lip to the barrels to keep the bags from sliding off, and then we were told to resume. And wouldn’t you know it, people started landing their bags. Go back and watch that segment of the challenge and you will see a rope around the top perimeter that was not there during the rehearsals. Anyway, just a cool little reminder as to how these challenges are constantly workshopped and tweaked until the very last minute. Also, I’d like to see Probst try to hit his “apply for Survivor” shot without that lip!!!

As for how the contest played out, you may remember Lagi coming back on the final stage to win yet another immunity, but not me. What I will remember is Kamilla hilariously perched on Shauhin’s shoulders because she was too short to see the puzzle pieces. The duo looked like they were geared up for some middle-school pool party face-off. Either that or they were trying out their latest Halloween costume concept as Vincent Adultman. It didn’t help, of course. And the cursed Vula tribe was heading back to Tribal Council.

Search and self-destroy

I have gone on record as saying I think bag searches should be illegal on Survivor. Not because it is an invasion of privacy. Literally, couldn’t care less about that. There is no privacy on Survivor. It’s more that I am just a fuddy-duddy who believes the action on screen usually plays out better when people legitimately don’t know what idols and advantages other folks have. So my (potentially hot) take on bag searches is the same as copying on puzzles: It should not be allowed… but since it is, you would be a fool not to do it.

That said, if you’re gonna search the bag, SEARCH THE WHOLE BAG! Because the only thing worse than not knowing if someone has an idol is mistakenly convincing yourself they do not because you only gave a cursory search. I can only imagine how many times Shauhin was kicking himself after returning back to camp from Tribal Council after this.

And you have to wonder how that Tribal plays out differently if he finds the damn thing. You have to assume the Lagi boys steal a Civa vote and split 2-2 on Kyle and Kamilla. Then, it doesn’t really matter where Kyle and Kamilla put their two votes left because the unprotected one is going home on the revote. Which would have been a lot less dramatic. Which is why bag searches should be illegal! Or at least done by people who are very bad at searching.

Eulogy for a schemer

The only thing that was a bummer about Kamilla and Kyle staging an impromptu performance of Shakespeare in the Jungle is that we lost Thomas as a result. A winner pick in many fantasy leagues from coast to coast, Thomas had everything you could want in a Survivor contestant — catty commentary, devilish impulses, and, above all, a killer mustache. Him telling Shauhin to intentionally lose Star’s Beware Advantage was positively diabolical… and I loved it.

I can only image the further chaos Thomas could have caused had he made it further into the game, but now he and his unused Steal-a-Vote are now gone. I’m sure it’s absolutely KILLING him that he didn’t use it and he’s getting Survivor 46 vibes all over again — especially after Kyle called out season 46 and not going home with a trinket in your pocket. That was the cherry on top of Thomas’ despair sundae.

But fret not, because we have plenty more treats for you, at least. First off, just a reminder that you can find out about the latest voting categories for Survivor 50, and we also have the entire Survivor 48 cast discussing their super-random pet peeves right here. You can also see what the Hostmaster General had to say about this episode, and we have an exclusive deleted scene showing more of that thunderstorm that pelted the contestants on night seven. We’ll be chatting with Thomas as well, so keep your eyes peeled for that. But now it’s your turn. Hit the comments section to weigh in with your thoughts on tonight’s episode, and I’ll be back next week with another scoop of the crispy!