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In a nutshell
- Your personality traits matter: People with high disgust sensitivity, narcissism, or perfectionism are more likely to experience “the ick” in dating.
- It’s not just picky dating: The ick has real consequences – 68% of people end relationships after experiencing it, showing how small quirks can derail potential connections.
- Evolution meets modern dating: Our ancient brain circuits designed to avoid bad mates are now triggering rejection over trivial things like social media habits and quirky behaviors.
AZUSA, Calif. — You know the feeling. One minute you’re into your date—their jokes land perfectly, their smile seems charming, and you’re excited about seeing them again. Then boom—they awkwardly sneeze in a way you’ve never seen someone sneeze, and something in you just dies. Or they say a phrase that makes you cringe so hard you nearly pull a muscle. Suddenly, you can’t stand them. You’ve caught “the ick.”
This dating phenomenon—that abrupt switch from attraction to repulsion—has exploded on social media, with TikTok videos tagged #theick racking up over a billion views. People love sharing the tiny, often ridiculous things that killed their romantic buzz.
But why do some trivial behaviors trigger such strong disgust? And why do certain people get the ick more often than others? Researchers from Azusa Pacific University recently tackled these questions in a study published in Personality and Individual Differences, examining how our personal traits might predict our romantic aversions.
What Actually Causes ‘The Ick’?
The ick goes beyond just another dating buzzword. Researchers define it as “a sudden and visceral aversion to a romantic partner, often triggered by behaviors that superficially signal incompatibility.” What makes this different from typical dealbreakers (like lying or aggression) is that the ick often comes from harmless, minor quirks that honestly shouldn’t matter much.
“While some ick responses may serve a functional role by flagging subtle cues of dealbreaker traits, many appear to reflect aversions to superficial or socially reinforced cues with little bearing on compatibility or mate quality,” the team concludes.
The research team, led by psychologist Brian Collisson, analyzed 86 popular TikTok videos about the ick to identify common triggers. Women frequently reported getting the ick when men displayed “feminine” behaviors, embarrassed themselves in public, or had annoying speech patterns. Men, meanwhile, reported aversion to women being overly trendy, doing embarrassing things in public, or using irritating speech.
For the main study, 125 single adults completed surveys about their experiences with the ick and took personality assessments measuring three key traits: disgust sensitivity, narcissism, and perfectionism.
Your Personality Predicts Your ‘Ick’ Factor
The research revealed clear personality patterns among the quick-to-ick crowd:
People easily grossed out by things in general (high disgust sensitivity) were much more likely to be repulsed by their date’s little quirks. That squeamishness apparently extends to behavior, not just physical things.
Narcissists reported getting the ick selectively. They didn’t experience it more often than others, but when something violated their standards, their reaction was strong. They essentially ran a stricter filter on potential partners, scanning for any flaws that might reflect poorly on themselves.
Perfectionists both got the ick more easily AND more frequently. If you expect everything to be just-so, you’re primed to notice and react badly to every tiny imperfection in the dating pool.
Women knew the term better (63% vs. 39% of men) and reported experiencing it more (75% vs. 57%). However, both genders experienced the ick with equal frequency when they did get it. The difference came down to what triggered them—women couldn’t stand misogynistic behavior and annoying speech, while men were turned off by physical appearance issues and signs of vanity.
How ‘The Ick’ Affects Your Dating Life
Once the ick strikes, your date is usually toast. A quarter of study participants (26%) ended relationships immediately after getting the ick, and another 42% called it quits eventually. Only about a third powered through the aversion.
The ick also loves company—nearly everyone (92%) told someone about it, typically friends (80%) or family (50%). Hardly anyone (just 28%) confronted the actual ick-triggerer, making this mostly a behind-their-back phenomenon.
There’s a good chance social media is making the ick more common. When millions watch videos about someone getting the ick because their date “Shazammed a song in a nightclub” or “wore jean shorts,” these arbitrary turn-offs spread like social contagions. We see others rejecting people for these tiny things, and suddenly we’re primed to do the same.
Popular culture has featured the ick for decades. The researchers highlight examples from classic sitcoms: in Friends, Monica becomes repulsed by her boyfriend upon discovering he is younger than he looks; in Seinfeld, Jerry is disgusted by his date’s “manly” hands; and in Sex and the City, Carrie is revolted after learning her lover wrote her a love song.
More recently, the new Netflix romcom Nobody Wants This even recognized the term “the ick” when Joanne’s sister Morgan could tell her sister was experiencing the feeling while observing odd behavior by her boyfriend Noah.
In the app-based dating world with endless options, the ick might be our brain’s shortcut to thin the herd—a quick “nope” that saves us time and emotional investment. But this approach might backfire. Other studies show that when people see too many potential partners, they become pickier and pickier, making successful connections harder.
From an evolutionary standpoint, the ick might actually be an ancient defense mechanism. Our ancestors faced serious consequences for picking the wrong mate—disease, resource scarcity, child-rearing challenges. Our brains developed quick rejection systems to minimize these risks.
The problem? We’re using Stone Age rejection software to evaluate modern dating situations. When you get the ick because someone “posted polls to their Instagram story,” your brain is applying primal rejection systems to utterly meaningless stimuli.
Find Balance in Your Dating Life
The research highlights a modern dating dilemma: the ick sometimes helps us spot genuine incompatibilities, but it also leads people (especially the easily disgusted, narcissistic, or perfectionistic among us) to reject potentially good partners over trivial stuff.
“Even when a partner has desirable traits, a single attribute falling below this threshold can trigger rejection,” the researchers observe. This pattern—rejecting otherwise compatible partners over superficial quirks—could partially explain why many people find modern dating so challenging despite more opportunities to connect than ever before.
If you find yourself constantly getting the ick, ask yourself whether you’re responding to actual red flags or just being picky over meaningless quirks. Nobody’s perfect, and the habits that make you cringe on date three might become the quirks you tease your partner about affectionately years later.
Dating is hard enough with apps, social media, and changing expectations. By recognizing our own psychological biases—like our personal ick triggers—we might make smarter decisions about who deserves a second chance, even if they did release an “achoo” that made them look more like a muppet.
About the Research
The study, titled “The ick: Disgust sensitivity, narcissism, and perfectionism in mate choice thresholds,” was authored by Brian Collisson, Eliana Saunders, and Chloe Yin from the Department of Psychology at Azusa Pacific University. It was published in Personality and Individual Differences (Volume 238, 2025) and made available online on February 5, 2025.
The researchers acknowledge several limitations to their study. First, their final sample size (125 participants) fell short of the 134 participants determined by their pre-registered power analysis, suggesting results should be interpreted with caution. The sample was also predominantly heterosexual (90%), limiting generalizability to LGBTQ+ populations.
Additionally, the study’s correlational design cannot establish causal relationships between personality traits and the ick experience. The researchers also relied on self-reported ick experiences rather than observing reactions in real-time, which may introduce recall bias.
Perhaps most importantly, the study doesn’t determine whether heightened ick responses are adaptive for mate choice in the long term. While some aversions may help identify incompatibility early, others may reflect socially constructed standards with little bearing on relationship success. Longitudinal research is needed to determine whether ick-prone individuals achieve better relationship outcomes or experience greater difficulty forming and maintaining partnerships.
The research did not receive any specific grant from funding agencies in the public, commercial, or not-for-profit sectors. The authors declared no conflicts of interest in relation to the manuscript. The researchers acknowledged using OpenAI’s ChatGPT for editorial support during the final editing stage to improve structure and flow, while maintaining that they reviewed and edited all content and take full responsibility for the publication.
