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The Secret to Lasting Friendships

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Posted 3 hours ago by inuno.ai


Senior friendsSenior friends

People who reminisce more often are more likely to hold onto strong friendships. (ID 196339082 © Monkey Business Images | Dreamstime.com)

In a nutshell

  • Nostalgia helps maintain close friendships over time. People who frequently experience nostalgia are more likely to keep their strong social connections intact, even as life changes.
  • The study found that nostalgic people had stronger social ties regardless of personality traits like extroversion or agreeableness.
  • Feeling nostalgic may be a built-in relationship booster. Rather than being a distraction, reminiscing about past experiences motivates people to stay connected with their closest friends.

KYOTO, Japan — Lost touch with old friends? The solution might be spending more time reminiscing about them. Contrary to the idea that nostalgia makes us live in the past, a new international study suggests that people who frequently experience nostalgia are more likely to maintain strong social networks. Researchers found that reminiscing doesn’t just evoke warm feelings; it may also motivate people to sustain their most valued relationships over time.

Nostalgia isn’t merely backward-looking escapism. Research published in Cognition and Emotion found that people who often feel nostalgic and value these feelings tend to work harder at maintaining their friendships. As a result, they typically have more friends.

“People who feel nostalgic more often and value those memories are more aware of their important relationships and the need to nurture them,” says study author Kuan-Ju Huang, a Ph.D. student at Kyoto University, in a statement. “This means these friendships may be more likely to last, even as we get older and our lives, interests, and responsibilities change.”

Not Just Living in the Past

Nostalgia hasn’t always had a good reputation. Doctors in the 17th century considered it a mental illness or a form of depression. Today, we know better. When we feel nostalgic, we typically remember meaningful moments with people we care about, like family gatherings, celebrations with friends, or special times with loved ones.

Person looking at old photos and memoriesPerson looking at old photos and memories
Sometimes you have to look back at the past to spring forward in the present. (© conceptualmotion( – stock.adobe.com)

When friendships start to drift apart over time (which happens naturally as we move through life), feeling nostalgic about shared experiences seems to remind us what we value about these connections. This reminder often pushes us to put in the effort needed to keep these relationships alive.

The study involved three different groups totaling 1,467 people. The first group was college students (around 19 years old), the second was American adults (average age 40), and the third was Dutch adults studied over seven years.

The college students reported having about seven very close friends, people they couldn’t imagine life without, plus another 21 important connections. The older group had smaller networks: about five very close relationships and 14 other important connections.

In the long-term study, people with moderate to high levels of nostalgia maintained most of their close friendships over the seven-year period. But those who rarely felt nostalgic lost about 18% of their close relationships during that same time.

Protecting Our Closest Bonds

Friends and family enjoying dinner and wind outside or on vacationFriends and family enjoying dinner and wind outside or on vacation
Having close friends helps you stay healthy and happy. (DavideAngelini/Shutterstock)

Nostalgia mainly increases our motivation to stay connected with people who matter most to us. This effect doesn’t depend on personality traits like being extroverted or agreeable. Even after accounting for these factors, nostalgia still predicted having more close friends.

Strong relationships are crucial for our health and happiness. People with good friends are less likely to be depressed, tend to live longer, and have better support during tough times.

Nostalgia at Any Age

“I started my PhD as an international student in Japan during the Covid pandemic,” says Huang. “During that time, I observed that many people, including myself, found comfort in listening to nostalgic music and watching old videos.”

Nostalgia affects people of all ages but for different reasons. Huang explains that young adults more frequently mention experiencing nostalgic feelings than middle-aged adults. Older adults report dramatically higher levels of nostalgia.

“Young adults may reminisce about their high school years or family moments when facing challenges during the transition to adulthood. For older adults, nostalgia is more likely to be associated with experiences about loss and feelings of a limited future.”

Rather than dismissing nostalgia as unproductive sentimentality, we might instead recognize it as a built-in relationship maintenance system, one that subtly motivates us to preserve our most meaningful connections even as life pulls us in different directions. Perhaps we should start treating our nostalgic moments not as distractions but as valuable reminders to reconnect with the people who matter most.

Paper Summary

Methodology

The researchers conducted three studies with different populations. Study 1 surveyed 449 undergraduate students about their tendency toward nostalgia and social networks. Study 2 examined 396 online panel participants across the United States, including personality measures to rule out alternative explanations. Study 3 analyzed longitudinal data from 520 Dutch participants over seven years (2013-2019), tracking how nostalgia predicted changes in social networks over time.

Results

Across all three studies, people with higher trait nostalgia showed stronger motivation to maintain their social networks, which predicted larger numbers of close relationships. The longitudinal data revealed that participants with high or medium nostalgia levels maintained stable networks over time, while those with low nostalgia experienced an 18% decrease in close relationships over the seven-year period. These effects remained significant even after controlling for personality traits.

Limitations

The study focused only on the number of social connections rather than their quality. The research was limited to participants from the United States and Netherlands, potentially limiting cross-cultural applicability. Different measures of social network size were used across studies, with the longitudinal study using a more subjective measure of close relationships than the earlier studies.

Discussion and Takeaways

Nostalgia appears to function as a psychological mechanism that motivates people to maintain important relationships, especially when facing potential social losses. It may be particularly valuable during life transitions or as people age and social circles naturally shrink. The findings suggest that nostalgia serves an adaptive function in preserving meaningful social connections that contribute to well-being and health.

Funding and Disclosures

Data for Study 3 came from the Longitudinal Internet Studies for the Social Sciences (LISS) panel administered by Centerdata at Tilburg University. The researchers acknowledged Dr. Kenneth DeMarree for supporting data collection. No conflicts of interest were reported.

Publication Information

The paper, titled “The past that ties us together: nostalgia strengthens social networks,” was published in Cognition and Emotion on March 12, 2025. It was authored by Kuan-Ju Huang (Kyoto University) and Ya-Hui Chang (University at Buffalo).

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