The archetypal representations and metaphorical storytelling of Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the main reasons it has stood the test of time. Premiering in 1997, the cult television series created an icon in Buffy Summers. Portrayed by Sarah Michelle Gellar in a role that would define her career, Buffy was a nuanced character who gave laughs and tears in equal measure. From week to week, she would battle the forces of darkness with her close-knit group of friends, the “Scoobies”.
BtVS still resonates with fans decades later, but viewing the series in a modern context is a different experience. Elements like gender roles have changed over the years, but one of the elements that stands out the most now is how Xander Harris was characterized. While 1/3 of the core trio is initially introduced to be the comic relief of the series, he is ultimately responsible for some of the worst crimes against Buffy as well as other characters.
Updated on March 25, 2025 by Jenny Melzer: With the talk of bringing everyone’s favorite Slayer back to TV, a lot of fans are going back to the beginning to rewatch some of the best BtVS episodes and story arcs. Even despite how relevant many aspects of the show still feel today, there are a lot of red flags that wouldn’t fly in a series reboot. One, in particular, is Xander Harris’s problematic characterization. This list has been updated with more of Xander’s worst moments, as well as to adhere to CBR’s current standards for formatting and presentation.
Xander’s First Crime Defined His Character
Punishing Buffy for Not Reciprocating His Feelings Says a Lot About Xander As a Person
For most of Season 1, Xander’s audacious jealousy could simply be attributed to teenage hormones. Throughout the season, he harbors an obvious crush on Buffy for obvious reasons and struggles to vocalize his feelings for her. He makes petty remarks about Angel, and his qualms with her dating other guys. However, these immature traits cross a line in the Season 1 finale.
Xander finally musters up the courage to admit to Buffy he has feelings for her and asks her to the spring formal. With concerns about saving the world on her mind, Buffy is surprised about this reveal and tries to spare his feelings. But when he demands an honest answer from her, she replies accordingly. She doesn’t feel the same way, which is valid. Xander is so prideful that he lashes out at her, criticizing her for her relationship with Angel. Buffy intended to preserve their friendship, which Xander appears to have no interest in. He punishes her for not feeling the same way, even though it isn’t something she can control. This act may seem slight at first, but unfortunately, it ‘s a foreshadowing of the selfishness that will carry Xander through the rest of the series.
Buffy’s Romantic Relationships Should Be None of Xander’s Business
And Yet, He Inserts Himself In Buffy’s Love Life At Every Turn
Even when Xander is in other relationships, he can’t help himself from butting into Buffy’s love life. Some part of him will always feel bitter about never being with her, and he has to proclaim his opinion to the heavens. He chooses one particularly painful moment to do this in Season 5. Buffy and her college boyfriend, Riley, had been having problems for some time, which were identified with Joyce’s health issues before her death. Riley gives her an ultimatum, which Buffy initially refuses, overwhelmed by the deterioration of the relationship.
Xander finds Buffy and scolds her for the way she treated Riley. He insists that RIley is not a rebound for Buffy, even though her relationship problems shouldn’t concern him. Riley is threatened by Buffy’s strength and her past relationships, so he steps out of the relationship to get bitten by vampires. Riley’s insecurity and misogyny are a prime issue with the relationship, something that Xander is likely to identify with. Many of the men in the series believe Buffy needs to cater to their feelings, even when she is too busy saving the world. In this instance, Xander shaming her makes Buffy run to catch Riley, even though he doesn’t necessarily merit forgiveness. Xander is a large cog in the strange gender role machine that occurs in the series at times.
Xander’s Fantasies Were an Odd Component of Season 7
No One Should Have Been Surprised, Considering Xander’s Behavior From the Start
Many of Xander’s actions that don’t age well were done for comic relief, and Season 7 is a large example. The final season of Buffy builds up to the battle with The First, a top-tier Buffy villain, as the gang protects all the potential slayers-in-training. The group of young girls becomes so large that they have to house them in Xander’s apartment for a time. It isn’t hard to figure out where this is going.
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In a house full of underage girls, Xander fantasizes about them in various states of undress. The scene smash cuts to reality, where he is surrounded by a bunch of teen girls, which doesn’t match his fantasies. This moment is played for laughs but reveals Xander’s problematic view of gender.
Xander’s Viciousness When Rejected Is a Red Flag
The Way Xander Treats Those He Cares for Is Telling
In Season 2, Xander doubles down on a disturbing pattern established in the first season. He admits that he doesn’t handle rejection well, but this only gets worse with time. Just as he lashes out when Buffy doesn’t share his feelings, he does the same thing with Cordelia following their first breakup. Pressured by the social hierarchy at school, Cordelia breaks up with Xander on Valentine’s Day. While heartbreaking, it doesn’t excuse how he handles it.
Immediately, Xander implements magic to get revenge on the girl he supposedly liked five minutes ago. He enlists the help of Amy Madison to cast a spell on Cordelia so she will fall in love with him, so he can be the one to break up with her instead. Amy warns him that love spells have to have pure intent, and this is something else altogether. Though the spell eventually goes awry, it’s another display of Xander’s outright selfishness.
Putting Cordelia Down for Her Appearance Was One of Xander’s Worst Traits
How He Ever Managed to Win Her Over Is a Stretch
Slut-shaming is something that would definitely not fly on today’s TV dramas, especially not in the way Xander used it for comic relief. Cordelia was known for her impeccable fashion sense, but the banter that often ensued between her and Xander took turns for the worse when he started belittling her. It’s a defense mechanism, and given his insecurities, defensiveness is to be expected, but he takes it to the extreme by trying to shame her for the way she looks.
Cordelia wasn’t perfect, not by a long shot, but of all the characters introduced in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Cordy can be counted among one of those whose personality underwent significant change over the years. Unlike Xander, Cordelia took a good, long look at herself after she graduated and moved to Los Angeles to work with Angel at his detective agency. She was still superficial in a lot of ways, but she had real heart and compassion, even after enduring the way Xander put her down at every turn for the way she dressed.
Buffy Makes the Biggest Sacrifice Because of Xander’s Petty Jealousy
Angel Wasn’t Perfect by a Long Shot, But Xander Basically Signed His Death Sentence
Xander’s most unattractive quality is how he regards Buffy’s soulmate, Angel. From the moment the two meet, it’s clear that there are sparks. Xander’s unrequited love for Buffy means he never lets the vampire with a soul catch a break, no matter how much Angel means to Buffy. This starts as snarky remarks and quips about Angel and Buffy’s relationship, but when it comes down to the battle between Buffy and Angelus, Xander makes one of his most telling decisions.
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In the epic Season 2 finale, Buffy understands that she has to kill the monster that wears her boyfriend’s face in one final showdown. Meanwhile, Willow is working on a spell to restore Angel’s soul. She sends Xander to tell Buffy that this is in the works, and they may be able to save him. When Xander gets there, he doesn’t tell Buffy, which leads to a devastating occurrence. Unaware that there is something they can do to potentially save Angel, Buffy can’t stop the ending ritual from starting. Once it does, it’s too late. At the same time, Angel gets his soul back, and Buffy has to kill the only person she’s ever loved. Had Xander told her what was happening, Buffy could have tried to change things instead of purely focusing on killing Angel. Her supposed best friend is responsible for one of the most painful moments of her life.
Xander Betrays Someone So Far Out of His League He Can’t Even See Her
Xander Only Ever Thought of Himself, and What He Did to Cordelia Proves It
When Xander caught Cordelia Chase’s attention, he lucked out. Beautiful, funny, and popular, Cordelia is the whole package, and she genuinely fell for Xander. Throughout high school, she learns to rise above her vapid origins and become an asset to Buffy’s group of demon-fighting friends. Until that point in his teenage life, Xander had never gotten so lucky as he did when he won Cordelia’s affection. So, when he starts looking at Willow differently, it’s completely incomprehensible—especially considering how long Willow pined over Xander, only to land outside his radar in the friend zone he hated so much himself.
Why Xander would step out on Cordelia, especially with Willow, is incomprehensible. It could be seen as him taking offense to no longer being the center of Willow’s attention, since she’d been getting pretty serious with Oz. Their attraction leads to a brief but strange affair that winds up hurting Cordelia and Oz. To make matters worse, Cordelia gets the pointy end when, after seeing Willow and Xander kissing, she falls and gets impaled by some rebar. She survives the encounter and rightfully breaks up with Xander, but she was emotionally devastated by the betrayal. Cordelia loved him, and he was lucky to get one of the most popular girls in school, but he blew it.
Xander Wasn’t Happy Unless He Was Belittling Buffy
Passing Judgment On His Friend Was One Way Xander Made Himself Feel Better
Season 6 is a hard watch for many reasons. Following Buffy’s death at the end of Season 5, her friends have to find a way to move on without her. As it turns out, they can’t, and Xander, Willow, and Tara get to work on a resurrection spell that rips Buffy out of heaven. The season follows Buffy as she experiences depression and self-loathing, coming to believe she obviously didn’t deserve the peace she found in death.
The only person she can talk to about it is Spike, who never passes judgment on her, no matter how dark her thoughts and feelings get. The dynamic turns sexual, something that Buffy needs to cope with her new situation. Buffy keeps this a secret from everyone and, as it turns out, for good reason. Xander finds out about Spike and is visibly disgusted. He doesn’t show any concern for her mental health, only spiteful jealousy. This is a recurring theme for Xander, who can accept Buffy’s romantic partners unless they’re not threatening to him.
Xander Stood By And Watched Buffy Nearly Dance Herself to Death
He Was the One Who Summoned the Song & Dance Demon
Musical episodes in drama series are often hit or miss, but Season 6’s “Once More With Feeling” is still considered one of the most iconic musical episodes in TV history. The arrival of a demon name Sweet, who causes everyone around him to burst into song and dance and speak their true feelings, has everyone on edge. Everyone except for Xander, that is, who seems to get a kick out of it people in the street breaking into song about parking tickets and dry cleaning.
Throughout the episode, there are a lot of allusions that it was Dawn’s doing, and as more and more truths come to light, including the feelings developing between Buffy and Spike and the admission to her friends that they didn’t save her from hell, but tore her from heaven, the episode takes on an intensity that resonates deeply with fans to this day. With Sweet preparing to take Dawn back to hell with him to make her his bride, the truth finally comes out, with Xander admitting he was the one who summoned the demon. And he did it because he thought it would be fun. Even as things started to get out of control, he never once thought to step up and confess, so they could put a stop to it before someone got hurt. This one incident is just another display of how selfish Xander could be, especially when it came to his own amusement.
Anya’s Return to Vengeance Is Not Received Well
Xander Could Always Dish It Out, But He Can’t Take It
Anya (Emma Caufield) never receives a fair shake from Buffy’s friends, no matter how hypocritical it is. She isn’t the first reformed demon the group consorts with, and certainly not the last. But because of Xander’s selfish actions, she returns to being a vengeance demon, convinced that men will never change.
When Xander discovers she has accepted the role of smiting men again, he is confused and angry. He doesn’t accept responsibility for breaking her heart and passes judgment on her for being something she has always been. Their relationship becomes a tangled mess, and, typical of the character, he never admits when he’s wrong.
Xander Takes Part in the Baffling Coup Against Buffy
Instead of Recognizing Her Sacrifices, All He Sees Is His Own Suffering
The final season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer has the complex task of wrapping up a series that has no bad seasons. But there are controversial moments, such as the decision to kick Buffy out of her own house. Spurred on by a heartbreaking loss, the rest of the crew believe that Buffy is unfit to lead and that the reins should be transferred to Faith.
Xander is among one of them for a very specific reason. No matter how high the stakes are or how difficult the challenge, he can’t see past his own experience. Xander blames Buffy for losing the fight to Caleb which cost him his eye. While this sacrifice is great, the issue at hand is more important than one person’s experience and doesn’t merit kicking someone while they’re down by insisting she leave her own home.
Xander Leaving Anya at the Altar Is the Worst Thing He’s Ever Done
Anya Came a Long Way With Xander, and the Way He Hurt Her Was Inexcusable
Xander has committed many crimes over the years, but it is hard to look past the worst. Never an exemplary boyfriend, he makes even a worse fiancé. He keeps his engagement to Anya a secret for some time, and even when it does come out, he is never happy. The problem with this is he never vocalizes it to the woman he is supposed to be spending the rest of his life with. Xander saves this for the day of their wedding when he unceremoniously leaves her at the altar.
Xander is initially motivated to this by a demon who gives him false visions of a future with Anya if they get married. These images are dark and show how their life falls apart. They are also not real because the demon only wants to break them up. Even so, Xander’s misgivings about getting married were always there, and he never had the courage to speak up. He breaks Anya’s heart, leading her down to a dark path which he also blames her for.
- Release Date
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1997 – 2003
- Network
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The WB
- Showrunner
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Joss Whedon
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Sarah Michelle Gellar
Buffy Summers
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Nicholas Brendon
Alexander Harris
