Whether you’re writing an email to a prospective client or presenting a sales pitch to a large group of customers, it’s easy to focus on what you want out of the deal. You might think…

• I want them to offer me the deal.
• I want to get that next VC round.
• I want to upsell them 20%.

But that won’t get you what you want.

Instead, to achieve your goals, you need to get “nosy” — and swap perspectives with your audience.

Think about whoever you’re reaching out to. They’re giving you their precious time and attention by reading your writing, hearing your pitch, or watching you present. Shouldn’t you know why? To get to your desired outcome, you must figure out what the other side’s expectations are — and then exceed them. For two seconds, stop thinking about what you want from the exchange and direct your attention outward.

We’ve been focused on our wants and needs since birth, so this isn’t a habit you drop without effort. Here’s a simple way to start: As you’re writing your next email, avoid starting any sentence with the word I. It sounds too simple. However, look at the difference this tiny change can make.

First, the default approach:

Hi Adam,

I loved the gift box you sent!

I enjoyed doing the session for your team because of my passion for career development. I love helping people achieve their goals, so thanks for inviting me.

Next time, I’d love to test out a new leadership training I’ve been working on. That would really help me improve it.

—Jenny

Now with the nosy version:

Hi Adam,

Thank you so much for the gift box you sent.

Your team was such a great group. You made it seamless to partner.

Thanks again for the opportunity to contribute to your team’s goals.

Next time, your team might benefit from a new leadership training that I’m developing. You could test it hot-off-the-presses if that would be valuable.

—Jenny

In my book Wild Courage, I call this “woo with you.” And you can see why:

The first example has five Is, and the second has only one. The latter also three yous. Isn’t it extraordinary how the same sentiment lands with less I? When you focus on your recipient, you engage their attention in a new way. They can feel that warmth, and it changes their attitude. Make them the hero, and you both win.

Doing this isn’t hard — it just takes intention and a few minutes of editing. Over time, writing with I will feel unnatural. And writing is only one area where you can swap perspectives. Perhaps you feel self-conscious when walking the higher-ups at work through a slide deck. If so, you’re probably worrying about how competent you sound, the points you want to make in the time available, and the impression you hope to convey. The more these concerns steal your attention from your audience, the less likely you are to achieve your aims.

To “woo with you” when you’ve got the client’s ear, add a question to your next presentation: “What are your top Q3 priorities?” or “How can we better partner with you?” Just a single question on a slide in a large font. Open-ended questions engage your audience and, if you pay attention to the answers, help you understand what they want. These slides also remind you to pause in your headlong rush to win the presentation. They let you breathe, and your listeners absorb your words. The material might be familiar to you, but it’s new to them.

Want more? This essay was adapted from Jenny Wood’s new book, Wild Courage: Go After What You Want and Get It.