discontent couple looking at each other holding mobile phones (© Drobot Dean – stock.adobe.com)

From texting with an ex to ‘harmless flirting,’ survey zeroes in on behavior that can lead to breakups

NEW YORK — Is flirting with the barista who makes your morning coffee a betrayal of your partner? What about maintaining a friendship with an ex? Or how about watching adult content online? The answers might not be as straightforward as you think.

According to a nationwide survey of 2,000 sexually active adults conducted by Talker Research and commissioned by LELO, these gray areas of relationship fidelity are proving to be decisive factors in modern partnerships, with many Americans considering behaviors like “harmless flirting” (51%), chatting with an ex (60%), and watching adult videos (23%) as forms of cheating that could potentially end their relationships.

When it comes to adult films, those with strong feelings on the matter aren’t holding back: a majority (54%) of these respondents believe the racy content should be “banned” altogether once a relationship becomes serious.

The data highlights an interesting landscape of modern relationship boundaries, where digital interactions and past relationships often create the most tension. Sixty percent of those surveyed consider chatting with an ex-partner as crossing the line, and more than half (51%) view what many might dismiss as “harmless flirting” as a betrayal of trust.

Flirting, Jealousy, Secrets

In an age where much of our lives—including our romantic pasts—exist digitally, the survey found that Americans are particularly sensitive to technology-related secretiveness.

More than a third (37%) of respondents said they would directly confront their partner if they noticed their significant other hiding their phone password. Similarly, 41% would call out their partner for casually flirting with someone else.

The past appears to be particularly problematic territory. Nearly half (49%) of respondents would confront their partner about keeping pictures with an ex on their phone or social media accounts. Even more contentious are text messages with former flames—62% would confront their partner about maintaining text conversations with an ex.

Not everything warrants immediate confrontation, however. When it comes to friendships with exes, Americans show more nuance. About a third (30%) of those surveyed said they would simply keep an eye on the situation and only intervene if something suspicious occurred.

Similarly, 36% would pay attention to close relationships between their partner and a coworker without immediately confronting the situation. This suggests a level of trust and patience in many relationships, with partners willing to observe potential issues before jumping to conclusions.

Interestingly, several actions that might traditionally be considered jealousy triggers don’t seem to bother most Americans. The survey found that respondents aren’t particularly likely to feel jealous if their partner was dancing with someone else (only 32% would feel jealous) or if they allowed someone to buy them a drink (upsetting to 31% of respondents).

The Communication Gap in Relationships

Despite the clear importance of boundaries in relationships, the survey reveals a troubling communication gap among many couples. While 89% of those in relationships believe their partner knows about their romantic or intimate boundaries, approximately one in seven respondents admitted they would hesitate to be honest with their partner if they did something that bothered them.

Even more concerning, more than half (53%) of those surveyed confessed they’ve either been dishonest or avoided discussing something that secretly bothered them with a partner. The reasons for this communication failure are illuminating: 39% didn’t want to upset their partner, while 33% were afraid of their partner’s reaction.

This hesitation to communicate openly about boundaries and discomforts suggests that despite progress in recognizing diverse relationship models, many Americans still struggle with honest conversations about their needs and boundaries.

Satisfaction and Secrecy

The survey also explored overall sexual satisfaction, finding that while three-quarters of Americans (77%) claim to be satisfied with their intimate lives, only 30% report being “always” satisfied in the bedroom.

When it comes to discussing desires, Americans seem to need time to become comfortable. While one in six respondents are eager to talk about their preferences immediately, the average person believes such conversations should wait until after four intimate encounters.

Perhaps most tellingly, among those interested in activities considered “controversial” who are currently in relationships, one in six admit their partner doesn’t know about these interests. This secrecy further underscores the communication challenges many couples face when discussing intimate desires.

“Intimacy is a personal journey, and each individual has their own boundaries,” said Luka Matutinovic, chief marketing officer at LELO. “Whether single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between, exploring together requires openness and mutual respect. Honest conversations about desires and limits unlock new experiences, helping partners build deeper trust and connection. When judgment is removed, both partners feel empowered to explore and discover new pleasures, creating space for genuine intimacy and shared growth.”

Honesty Keeps Relationships Healthy

What emerges most clearly from the data is that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to relationship boundaries. While certain activities are widely accepted or rejected, many fall into gray areas where couples must establish their own comfort levels through open dialogue and mutual respect.

The research suggests that successful relationships in 2025 aren’t necessarily those with the strictest or most permissive boundaries, but rather those where partners can honestly communicate their feelings, concerns, and desires without fear of judgment or rejection.

“Honesty is the foundation of true intimacy and the key to deeper connections,” adds Matutinovic. “Each person’s boundaries and desires are unique, and real fulfillment comes from open conversations about needs and limits. Avoiding these discussions can create distance, but embracing honesty and an open mind strengthens trust, fosters understanding, and deepens the bond, allowing both partners to feel truly seen and heard.”